


the glory and the freshness of a dream

by tigriswolf



Series: comment_fic drabbles [201]
Category: Political Animals
Genre: Gen, Healing, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Music, Soul-Searching, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-10 20:15:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2038614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigriswolf/pseuds/tigriswolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hated political science.  He hates politics.  He can play the game like a goddamned master when he wants to – but he doesn’t want to.  He never has.  And if he stays in the spotlight any longer, he’s going to burn out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the glory and the freshness of a dream

**Author's Note:**

> Title: the glory and the freshness of a dream  
> Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Wordsworth  
> Warnings: post-series; talk of suicidal ideation  
> Pairings: mentions of canon couples  
> Rating: PG  
> Wordcount: 685  
> Point of view: third  
> Prompt: Political Animals, TJ/+any or gen, learning to be happy again  
> Note: Okay, so I figured the show was set in May/June/July, somewhere in there, right? TJ tried to kill himself six months before the premiere, and that was in December. So: Juneish or Julyish

Anne and Dougie are off on their honeymoon, Mom's dealing with a national crisis, Grandma's trying to stay sober, and Dad -- well, Dad's focused on getting Mom's campaign off the ground. And TJ... 

Well, TJ's trying to decide if he actually wants to be alive or not. He's so fucking tired of the political machine, of the eyes always watching and judging.

He's got a BA in Political Science because he thought he'd be going into the family business. He spent almost five years nearly totally clean, and he was doing so good -- but he was utterly miserable the whole time, forcing himself through the motions because he wanted to be good, to make them all proud. So he made a 4.0 every semester, and he thought maybe he’d finally make up for those last couple years in the White House.

Yeah, that ended in one weekend that's totally blank in his mind, and he never used that degree for anything. That's why Mom has Doug, ever the golden one. 

But TJ, he doesn't want to die. He wants to _live_ , to be happy, and that's not going to happen in the fishbowl where he's always news and it's never good. He stopped living when he was sixteen, but he doesn't want to be that mess of hatred and anger and fear anymore. 

He misses the piano. He misses the beauty that just poured out of him, how he could lose himself. When he hit the zone, he was flying in a way no drug has ever managed. 

So he takes a week to list all the pros and cons, researches, delves deep into himself to decide if he _wants_ to do this, if he _can_ do this. 

He can. He wants to. He _will_. 

He doesn’t mention it to anyone when he applies to the University of Washington’s music department for the fall semester. He doesn’t mention it to anyone when he gets accepted, and then he breathes a sigh of relief and collapses onto the couch in his grandma’s den. 

He hated political science. He hates politics. He can play the game like a goddamned master when he wants to – but he doesn’t want to. He never has. And if he stays in the spotlight any longer, he’s going to burn out.

He still doesn’t tell anyone, not until his audition date is set in stone. Grandma asks him a few times why he’s playing so much; he’s been feeling so inspired lately, with his exit strategy in place, with the end in sight. He’s been composing so much his hands hurt, playing so much the notes resonant in his sleep. 

And he’s happy. He’s happier than he ever was with Sean, and that realization is why he finally figures out that he’s glad Mom found him. Glad to be alive. 

He waits until everyone is over, Dad and Dougie and Anne and Grandma and Mom, waits until they’re halfway through dinner, and he says, “I’m leaving for an audition in three days. In Seattle. I’ve already got an apartment lined up.” They all stare at him, but he just continues, head held high, “I’ve been accepted to the University of Washington. I’ll be staying no matter what.” 

“TJ,” Dougie says, “what the fuck?” 

TJ smiles. “It’s what I want to do,” he tells them. “It’s what I’m _going_ to do. I love all of you, but I’ve got to get out.” 

Mom’s staring at him, but Dad’s smiling a little, and Grandma toasts him with her lemonade (he’s pretty sure it’s been spiked with something), and Annie shrugs. 

“Do you want to hear my audition piece?” he asks and they all do. 

.

He flies commercial, though in first class. He leaves most of his belongings behind because this is a new life. TJ Hammond is the fuck up son of President Hammond and (future) President Barrish – he’s going to be Jim now, Jim Hammond. 

So Jim Hammond sits down for his audition and plays the best he ever has in his life, and he knows that he’s finally begun to live.


End file.
